recipeswithoatmeal:

One of the blog’s I follow is of a sexist pedophile, yet I still read it.

I’m sexist?

His penis I mean. Not the ice cream.

Not on the first date, at least.

I was reading some dude’s OK Cupid profile last night and he mentioned that he would “straight up dump a bitch” who didn’t love the Shawshank Redemption. I wondered, do I have any such entertainment dealbreaker? When it comes to music, I think we are all allowed some passes because sometimes garbage moves your soul. A dude would have to be like, singing Linkin Park songs to express his love for me to say no thanks. I mean shit, I like Rockapella so, glass houses, you know.

When it comes to movies, however, I tend to be a little more, um, selective. Let’s call a spade a spade, I’m a fucking snob. Sure I appreciate bad movies on that “are these motherfuckers serious?” level, who doesn’t. But when it comes to “favorites” I’m not going to let just any movie into the club. So, do I have any movie dealbreakers? At first I said sure, duh, Vanilla Sky. But Vanilla Sky is less a relationship dealbreaker and more a life dealbreaker. Boyfriends, friends, family, whatever. Anyone who thinks that movie is “deep” is no longer a part of my life. I will immediately begin singing “Get Out” by Jojo.

So what, then, would be my dealbreaker movie, if any. There are plenty of shit films in this world but which one grates my nerves so bad that I’d give a dude the pink slip? Then it came to me. There is one movie so overrated, so undeserving of any praise or accolades, so “oh give me a fucking break”: The moment a guy comes out of his face with “Oh man, I loved Crash. It was so ‘meaningful’ and moving,” plainface goes into effect, the legs will shut and we’ll have to close up shop. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.

The movie’s heavy handedness is enough for me to give it bitch face, but the fact that it robbed Brokeback Mountain for best picture… don’t even get me started.

Office closes at 2.

and….. ROBOT.

Fuck the dentist and fuck teeth cleaning. That shit was brütal.

People. PEOPLE. We all know you love your children and that they “mean the world” to you and are “the best thing to happen” to you. That should go without saying. Anyone considering a relationship with a person with a child should go into the situation assuming that the child is a big part of your life. But real talk, STOP PUTTING PICS OF YOUR PROGENY IN YOUR PROFILE. It’s just wrong. Sleezey. It’s like a stripper bringing her kid to work. There’s a time and place people. A time and place. You need to realize that people looking at your profile, no matter how much they say they care about “personality”, are imaging having sex with you. I mean it’s DATING site. People that date bone. And then I look at your pics and there’s your fucking kid, and now I feel like a scum bag.