December 2008
You ever dislike a person for a really stupid, trivial reason and then they go and say something that becomes another stupid reason to not like them and you think your dislike is finally legitimized because two stupid reasons totally equal one valid reason but then you feel like a cock because why are you even wasting your time thinking about this?
And then you realize that you’ve actually...
November 2008
Doobie Brothers - What a Fool Believes
in all...
Well, shit.
It’s just now setting in that last night, I sent a friend request to someone I really, really shouldn’t have. Facebook and I are going to have to call it quits real soon because it enables my asshole behavior. And by asshole behavior, I mean stalking.
1 tag
Dear World, Today I saw Transporter 3 and it was...
And that was my review of Transporter 3.
The upside? I’ve made it my mission in life to be impregnated by Jason Statham. I say GOD DAMN.
Edit: I think I need to make it known that I do NOT have bad taste in movies. Quite contrary, I can be a bit of a snob about cinema. But you have to understand that a) I can appreciate bad movies and b) I’m pretty much a whore and often let my...
I haven't heard such stellar lyricism in a rap...
Jason: [sends a link]
me: on my iphone. Can't watch
me: Besides, I'm balls deep in Friday Night Lights
Jason: vicky and i used to talk about putting out a hip-hop record called Balls DeE.P.
Jason: all our songs would be ridiculous sex songs
me: Haha
me: I'd buy that
Jason: with lyrics like "my pussy too hot like chili powder/would you like a taste of my clam chowder?/bring your roomie, dawg, he don't have to just watch/come over 'round 8, we'll make nut butter squash" etc.
me: God damn it I need copy and paste!!!! That needs to be tumbled immeeds
Jason: hahaha
Jason: "i fucked an indian dude in the back of the bus/he had a tiny dick - i was left naan-plussed"
Nine Inch Nails - Burn
…which is what I...
Dear Ashley Gresh FUCK YOU
WHY DID YOU GET ME INTO FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS?! Woman, I was up until 3 am watching that shit. Riggins!!!!! Saracen!!!! Fucking Riggins man, he’s a delicious mess.
Now please excuse me while I go avoid people and watch another 4 episodes. I have shit to do! Food to cook! But I can’t, because I have to find out what happens next Friday with the Dillon Panthers.
Eff you lady.
It's as simple as that.
joshacid37:
Kia: why is starsky & hutch on American Movie Classics? me: because it’s 50 years old and was directed by John Ford
During the commercials they’ve showed clips of that dragon movie with McConaughey and Bale (Reign of Fire? Eragon the Asshole Dragon?) and Constantine. Um, I think they need to Google the word “classic”.
Slightly Different Cut of the Star Trek Trailer →
It’s the very end that’s worth it.
(Thanks ETD)
Criterion’s Online Cinematheque →
herosquad:
Criterion is launching an on-demand streaming service on their website. Rent a movie for $5 and that money goes toward the purchase of the DVD if you like it.
(via Poverty Jet Set)
It’s been far too long since I’ve...
Dear D♭ Major song haters,
I understand...
Beyoncé - Video Phone
The first disc of her new...
Dear Michael McDonald and Kenny Loggins,
themattsmith:
Why the hell would you write “What a Fool Believes” in D flat major? Noboy needs 5 flats to say anything, ever. That’s some Steely Dan shit, jerks.
You will not speak ill of K. Lo in my presence Matthew B. Smith!
1 tag
Twilight got more laughs than most comedies I've...
The fucking movie would have ended way early because I would have said “look edward, I’m gonna have that vampire peen one way or another. Either I’m gonna take it, or you can turn me into a hot sexy vampire right now and we can do this thing.”
Also, whoever said it was on par with The Covenant - false. It was certainly not as bad as that and let’s be honest here, I...
Kia: i need something good to post
Kia: I was going to write a post about how i was at cvs the other day and i went to the condom section, but i couldn't even bring myself to spend 13 bucks on something I wasn't going to use…
Kia: and then I walked into oncoming traffic
Matt: CONDOMS COST 13 DOLLARS?
Kia: yeah
Matt: jesus, how does anyone get laid?
Kia: the three pack is like 4 dollars but what the fuck is that gonna do
Matt: it's like how they sell hot dogs in packs of 10 and buns in packs of eight
Kia: that makes sense to me
Kia: I don't like bread usually
Kia: i don’t like hot dogs either, but if i did
Kia: you've got two hot dogs to cut up and put in beans, like poor folks do.
Matt: you... would.... put condoms on the hot dogs?
Matt: i'm confused
Matt: wait, how much are the beans?
Kia: like 70 cent or something
Matt: so, it would cost, like 5 dollars to fill 14 dollars worth of condoms full of beans?
Matt: that's actually not bad
Kia: I think you should be concerned that your first thought on how to make use of a pack of condoms is filling them with beans
Matt: you brought it up. maybe turn that little mirror around, sicko
Kia: not in the same sentence!
Kia: what’s sadder? me talking about not having any use for them, or you wanting to fill them with beans??????
Matt: i bought hot dogs last weekend, though
Kia: this conversation is fucked
Matt: well, if you wanted to fill them with beans too, then you have a use for them
Kia: you need jesus
Matt: now I want beans
Matt: do you think that if I posted this conversation, we both would lose all of our followers?
“I remember saying ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones’ and MEANING it!”
– Alan Shemper (via joshacid37)
I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my camp counselor!
(via izimbra)
And my best friend hadn’t fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague - the...
Ok, so they are dancing out in the rain (epic) and...
I am 5 minutes in to Step Up 2: The Streets and it...
Hey everyone. We can all breathe a sigh of relief.
Yes, it’s true. Good Morning Miss Bliss is streaming on Netflix. Everything’s going to be ok.
themattsmith:
I feel sick to my stomach because Kia bullied me into eating more than I was comfortable with.
Of course I did. I’m fat.
Question of the day:
joshacid37:
kiamatthews:
afghanistanbananastand:
Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
Now.
[thinks about it for a second]….Meg Ryan.
Question of the day:
afghanistanbananastand:
Who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?
Jack Nicholson now, or 1974?
On a Post-It at my desk
PS/SS - HP
CS - Diary
PoA -
GoF - Snake
OotP - Locket; Ring
HBP - Diadem; Cup
DH -
HP (LV), Diary (HP), Snake (NL), Locket (RW), Ring (AD), Diadem (VC - collateral damage), Cup (HG)
(I tried to take a picture of it but my scribble was unintelligble)
“I’m sorry Liz this is who I am. You can’t ask a bird not to fly. You...”
– Tracey Jordan
Hey Jerkbox who told you to not come to work...
Clip of the Week, I'm Having the Best Week Ever...
Picture the scene: downtown DC. A bus stop. I was enjoying the mellow sounds of Mute Math and replying to an email from the patron saint of Tumblr, when I notice someone in my periphery. Now, given my history with crazy people, I am quite adept at knowing when one is approaching. I’m like a ninja in that way. I refuse to acknowledge him even though I can now hear him over my music. I...
themattsmith:
Johnny Gill - Rub You The Right...
Awww yeah, gettin real sexy tonight [or: Thank god...
My cold-weather milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. My bedroom is the exact opposite of cozy and inviting. Check it: I have to sleep with my loud ass A/C on because my radiator from 1897 can’t be turned down. Since it’s pumping out so much heat, its about as dry as an old lady’s vajay up in here and also activates my “winter allergies” so I gotta rock a big ass...