June 2009
I'm sorry to tell you Sensei, but pain most...
Fuck the dentist and fuck teeth cleaning. That shit was brütal.
2 tags
Did you really think that pic of your kid in that...
People. PEOPLE. We all know you love your children and that they “mean the world” to you and are “the best thing to happen” to you. That should go without saying. Anyone considering a relationship with a person with a child should go into the situation assuming that the child is a big part of your life. But real talk, STOP PUTTING PICS OF YOUR PROGENY IN YOUR PROFILE....
“(757): Do you like marathons because that’s how long I plan on fucking you.”
– (via TXTS FRM LST NGHT)
WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO GET TEXTS LIKE THIS???
Yeah I'm talking about my toothache again
I’m still hovering in that not really hurting yet but throbbing zone. I might be able to get seen by the lovely dental professionals at this fancy place near my work that has massage chairs and shit, but who knows. Yes, they are all about relaxing you before they bring the motherfucking ruckus like Wu-Tang in your mouth.
I’m hoping it doesn’t worsen over the weekend - I fear I...
“Michaaaaaaaaaeeeeel noooooooooo!!!!!”
– A devistated Kia Matthews
I'm torn between wanting this mild toothache to go...
John Mayer - My Stupid Mouth
See, look....
The only reason this is a stereotype issue is...
katoleary:
irishmexi:
(via afghanibanani)
Well, some other people seemed to agree as well. So who knows?
Why must EVERYTHING become a thesis-worthy discussion? Is this grad school? Bottom line, Perez is an awful human being who got his shit rocked and so what if John Mayer, for the sake of humor, used a “stereotype” in a fucking TWITTER ARGUMENT? How did we even GET here?...
In my dream last night I got a dog from a shelter...
With that sharp comedic sensibility, my subconcious could be writing for “Two and a Half Men” or something.
I have this to say about hotel prices in...
Eat a dick and get bent.
As usual, I was being lazy today thinking "Ugh, I...
Eating a sandwich.
Lord beer me strength
Real life PLAINFACE (-_-) in full effect.
Seriously, I’m not even understanding the logic behind suggesting to the person you are hanging out with in the interim in which your ex decides if she wants to take you back that it would be cool if all three of you could hang out and be friends once she does.
I think I’ll have to decline.
Unless she has weed.
Happy Father's Day to the dude who made it his...
Happy Father’s Day to the guy who just can’t seem to keep a job, who provided little financial support throughout my childhood and college career and who has 6 children by 5 different women, 2 of which you deemed prudent to keep a secret until I was a junior in high school!
Also, thanks for the flat feet and extremely large head.
Crunchy peanut butter is a direct product of the...
Nast.
It's quite shocking to me that married couples are...
It’s as archaic as “Lot’s wife”, the bitch so useless and hedonistic that she didn’t even deserve a name.
This is not happening when I get married. If the person annoucing us at the reception dares to use that phrasing, shit’s gonna get real.
Mute Math - The Nerve (via theoisjonesing)
These...
My xenophobia is facilitated and exacerbated by...
Real talk - when foreigners roll up in my Starbucks at 9am, fucking up the flow of the line and not knowing where to stand, I want to scream GO BACK TO MICRONESIA.
I'd like to take a quick break from being butthurt...
I sprouted a penis, it tumesced, and I B my L in my Old Navy pajama pants.
Ok, now that I put that out there, I’ll return to my evening of taking shit personally and being needy.
I think I'm in the midst of a Friendship...
Even better is that I was unaware of it!
There’s nothing I love more than jumping to the conclusion that I’m being ignored!
//probably overreacting//
Let’s dance it out. Watch this hot pop and lock move. MORE BOUNCE… TO THE OUNCE
//is secretly really hurt//
WatchSNL Digital Short: Iran So Far Away
Appropriate?
I remember when it started, saw you on the news you were hating gays, I was eating food but I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said you aint wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhaal to me.
Someone at the Texas Legislative Council doesn't...
You are not a special, unique snowflake. Your smugness is unattractive.
Originally posted as a comment by Heather on Hi, My Name Is Kia using Disqus.
Yeah, I reverse stalked that ho.
The White Man's Burden.
Sun Burns.
The idea of a sun burn is mysterious to me. When my friends end up cooked beyond comprehension and are making strange noises while applying aloe gel and sitting in uncomfortable looking positions so as to not touch anything, I am perplexed. They try to describe what it feels like, and I guess the only thing I can relate to is the feeling of an actual burn, you know from an iron or oven...
Fact: Some kids are little fuckheads that need...
I am personally a fan of the firm shoulder/neck grab and pinch.
If we want to talk about disappointment, I am disappointed that my cousin allowed his male child’s name to by spelled with a Y.
Remember when the Garden State soundtrack was...
More Helen Keller fuckery that's going to send me...
Have you guys ever played Apples to Apples? It’s a game where each turn one player, the judge, has a card on which is printed an adjective. Everyone has a hand of cards with proper nouns or events, like some random actor, historical figure, or war or something. Each player throws in a card that they think best embodies the adjective the judge has given, and the judge picks a winner.
So this...
http://www.helenkellersimulator.com/ →
(via onesong)
It sure is funny here on the road to asshole hell.