October 2009
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“Can we discuss how awful it is that the whole Jerk-style fashion sense has made...”
– Caragh
Factual Errors: Black people don’t actually wear FUBU.
September 2009
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Lessons in Colloquialisms #2: Come for/Try/See
Wu-Tang is for the children and Kia is for the people.
These three terms have slightly different meanings and usages but mostly they can be used interchangeably. They all mean sort of the same thing: To Step to.
Example 1:
Posterous: Whatever Tumblr I am better than you.
Tumblr: ImPosterous, please. You can not see me. You are not on my level. Your shit is spurious, false, not legit. So...
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Hey Bryan
Don’t be liking my posts by way of Matt. You like straight from the source, ok? Don’t make me come up to Philly and get buck.
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Mika - By the Time (Feat. Imogen Heap)
The Boy...
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All I'm saying is, I hope Uwe Boll doesn't sign...
It’ll be fucking tragic is what it will be.
If you don’t get this joke take 5 seconds to Google Uwe Boll. Now do you see the tragedy that lies herein?
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When I have a cold, I can't stop eating. Like...
Is this just me? Or is it some psychosomatic excuse to really ramp up the fatness and eat like the obese whale I am?
Björk - Hyper-Ballad
Post, 1995
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I hate nigger dogs.
So I was watching this video right? It’s a video of a black pug puppy being cute as puppies are wont to do. So I’m reading some of the comments because I have come to realize that some of the best one liners on the internet live in the You Tube comments section. I’m not even kidding. The next time some viral video is sent around, check the comments.
So I’m reading the...
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not...
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MMS has been enabled since Friday and have yet to...
Who do I need to speak to around here to get a peen shot sent to my phone via text?
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SWV - Anything (feat. Wu-Tang Clan)
Above the Rim...
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One of today's Trending Topics on Twitter is...
God don’t like ugly and Jesus don’t like insubordination. You in their house? Respect that ish. Don’t be on your Boost Mobile or your Sidekick tweeting about how boring the sermon is and how you can’t wait to get home to watch football. You have to suffer through that shit like everyone else. You want to be tweeting? Don’t go to church. Stay home like the rest of us...
bryanboova:
Hi Kia.
Hi Bryan.
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Beyonce - Freakum Dress
B’Day, 2006
I do...
Here's the situation
I am too drunk and I just winked at some dude that walked by. Also I’m gettin rained on. Also Im drunk. What is happening?
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So I was hanging out with a boy tonight, and that...
But as we were sitting here watching a movie, all I could think about was “when is this motherfucker gonna leave so I can make some pancakes???”
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I have this to say about the new search your...
Bad bad bad NEWS.
On the one hand I’m always glad to gain a new stalking tool.
On the other, I will inevitably have more moments of hurt feelings like I just did when I found out that Mills was no longer following me.
AND I’LL TAKE WITH ME THE MEMORY TO BE MY SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN IT’S SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY
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Amerie - Heard ‘Em All
Yes. 100% yes....
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“Girl, Imma do you like Kia Mathews does the written language. Put you all over...”
– Blogger Pick-up Lines (via 6h057)
Uh, whut? Is this what I do? I don’t get it. Is this a euphemism for rub up on and grind?
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The Trifecta of Tap-ability
sade:
Uhhhhhhhhhhh forgot what I was going to say because Paul Newman was the hottest piece of ass ever.
SORRYBUTIT’STRUE
I agree. However, if we are talking “hottest piece of ass ever” we can’t neglect the youthful splendor and all around UNF qualties of a young Marlon Brando:
and baby Warren Beatty:
These three, for me, are the Trifecta of Tap-ability.
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Lessons in Colloquialisms #1: Kick Rocks
Wu-Tang is for the children and Kia is for the people. I’m here to help. In my crippling boredom today I’ve decided to help you, Tumblr, become the best internet personalities you can be. Part of a winning internet charm is the effective use of colloquialisms and slang, especially amongst those who are unfamiliar. It is important to set trends rather than follow them (says the girl who...
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Guinness is gross. If I can't play flipcup with it...
Holler at me when it’s Miller Lite’s birthday.
There is no way in hell all you Glee naysayers...
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Once again I have to ask you, the Internet, to...
Are there people who actually know Sean Kingston songs other than “Beautiful Girls”? Fresh asked a good question today: What exactly is his place in the music industry? I’m baffled. He’s always on things and I’m thinking, is it possible to sing Beautiful Girls for like 3 years in a row? I mean does he fancy himself a singer, a reggae artist? Why does he sing with an...
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The Mamas and The (Sicko) Papas - California...
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WatchThis cat needs to get her mind right. Always with the attitude. Make sure your sound is up. The sounds she emits are amazing.
Also, during this, she pissed on the carpet. I hate her so much.
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I may have had a tiny meltdown last night on...
So first I get it in my head that I’m going to start an alternate Tumblr for the purposes of reblogging with all my “#where is Jesus” tags that I’ve been doing lately under the influence of Sister Mary Martha. I can’t help it. I’m a follower. I’m unoriginal. I’d like to think that at least she and I have a similar colloquial knowledge of...
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Messages to Some Tumblrs:
Nat - you are KILLING me with the baby hands. Please tell me you are going to dress like Judice for Halloween.
SisterMaryMartha - I know you don’t IM at work, but I need you to change that. It’s important that we can participate in a prayer circle directly because we can’t confine the Jesus-bringing to the dashboard. It would be remiss of us.
Cate - You are a mess. And yes, we...
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Brandy & Monica - The Boy is Mine
Who wants...
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There were entirely too many lustful posts on my...
Let me tell you bandwagon so-and -sos something: Step. The fuck. Off.
I was all over that like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snow storm before any of you hoes.
You don’t know him like I know him. You don’t love him like I love him.
I’m talking to you Caragh and JGH.
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Watchyoulooknicetoday:
How and where not to do The Fishstick
I WISH THE FISHSTICK WERE STILL INTERNET-RELEVANT. I do it all the time. Matt wants his in utero child to listen to “Tighten Up”. I want Matt to teach his wife about the Fishstick so he can make a video of her doing it while wearing headphones on her belly, blasting Archie Bell & the Drells to the baby. I mean how adorable...
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“Doctor said I need a backiotomy”
– Sir Smoke a Lot (via bryanboova)
HE HAD SEX WITH MY MAMA! WHY?