Hi, My Name is Kia.

I’m used to getting looks from people when I fly.

I’d like to pretend it’s because people are devastated by my aura but… So I’m at BWI this morning in line to board my plane. I get to the gate to give the guy my boarding pass. Instead of taking my boarding pass, he just looks at me then shuffles the boarding passes in his hand and on the desk. At first I’m thinking he’s just getting the passes in order, they were sort of over flowing on the desk, but he looks at me again and turns his back and gets on the phone and asks for someone to come over. At this point I knew what the issue was.

I was being Kevin Smith’d.

He never even said anything to me. Just told me to step to the side and proceeded to take boarding passes. Another guy comes over and looks at me, and no shit, goes “oh whoa, ok” and ushers me over to the customer service counter. I’m caught between getting really indignant and being really embarrassed, so I do what I do best, and act out in a passive-aggressive manner. I throw my head back, make a loud grunt of annoyance and follow the guy, swinging my arms, petulant 10 year old style.

He’s says to me in hushed tones, “I need to speak with you over here.” That’s all he says. We get to the counter and he calls for a manager. Or the fat people police. Someone. While he’s doing this I call my coworker who is already on the flight and saving me a seat telling her “they won’t let me board because they have a policy about ‘customers of size’.” I say customers of size in the most exaggerated air quotes way possible. Like I said, acting out is what I do best.

At this point no one has said WHY they pulled me out of line, even though I know why. The guy who ushered me out of line hears me tell her this and says “Well, we have a policy and I have to get the manager over here to explain it to you.” He’s being very weird, and I suppose I understand. You’re essentially telling someone they’re too fat to fly and are going to ruin someone’s day by having your fatness encroach upon their personal space. That can’t be the most pleasant job in the world. While we’re waiting for the special sensitivity-trained fat notifier, the guy asks “Have you flown Southwest before? Do you fly often?” Condescendingly. Almost incredulously. As if to say “This can’t be news to you, right?”

“The seat thing isn’t an issue - i’m sitting next to someone I know so she’s not going to complain that my person is taking up part of her seat. I know the deal.” At this point the manager has arrived. “Well that’s fine but we have a policy….” To make an already long story less long, they wanted me to purchase another seat but since the flight was sold out, that wasn’t possible. The flight is now running 10 minuets behind schedule thanks to my fatness.

For the sake of time and because I assured them I wouldn’t be a bother to another passenger they said “Okay, go ahead and board now. Since this is your outbound flight you’ll have to pay for the extra seat on your flight back. We are making a note on your account.”

Okay. Mhmm. Yep. “I’m not even flying southwest on my return, nor will I be flying it again!” and I turned my back in dramatic huff. Taste this ass. God, I wish I would have said “taste this ass.”

So yeah, that happened today. I don’t even really know how to feel about it. I mean yes, I understand the purpose of the policy but shouldn’t they at least address it if someone complains or it’s quite obvious that someone is being made uncomfortable? Who the fuck knows man. Did I really have to be asked if I have ever flown before? And the looks. The “what should we do this problem” rigmarole of one guy calling another guy that called another guy. Are you fucking kidding me with this?

I wish this post could have been more Kevin Smith incident funny, I’m sorry guys. Mostly I’m just BIEBER FACE about the whole thing.

So how was your day?