Here comes a TL;DR post about being fat

If you listened to me and Matt’s test run of the worst podcast ever, you may have learned something new about me (If you haven’t listened to it, don’t - its diarrhea). Since October of 2010, I’ve been (slowly) losing weight. Right before I met Jack, I got my learner’s permit (keep the jokes to yourself, no I still can’t effing drive) and my face looked like I’d been injecting myself with saline. Like I had been rubbing the most MSG-laden chinese food I could find all over my face. Just a swollen fat mess. Two days later, I was doing Weight Watchers.

I never pretended to have any acceptable weight loss motivations. I wasn’t doing it to be healthy. I wasn’t doing it for my soul or inner peace or happiness or whatever the fuck a Dove commercial would say. I was doing it for two reasons: 1. to find a husband and 2. to buy cute clothes. Sorry 2 say. If I could have pulled men back at my fattest, I would have been quite okay continuing that way because let’s face it people, food is delicious and I want all of it.

Anyway, I dropped 30 pounds in a little over 3 months. It was so easy at the beginning. But when you are walking around with the equivalent of a full rack of free weights on your body, it’s easy. Then it got harder. But to be quite honest, I was totally half assing it. Just eating less, but still eating shitty. And still being the laziest fucker on earth.

But I didn’t have the same motivation. I was dating someone and it was going well so clearly I didn’t need to try that hard right?

By the middle of 2011 the weight loss slowed substantially. I got to my lowest loss, a little over 57 lbs by June and sort of flatlined for months. I still refused to work out. Didn’t wanna. Too hard.

Thanksgiving rolled around. Then Christmas. Then I just stopped trying, really. By February I’d put back on 10 damn pounds. But I wasn’t too bothered. I’d lose it eventually, whenever I got around to it or whatev.

Then Jack dumped me. I thought I had beaten the system and tricked someone into loving me even though I was fat. PFFFT. Incorrect. It was at this point that I decided to stop dicking around and start working out. It’s such a god damnned cliche - person gets dumped which motivates them to get fit and find a way hotter partner - but whatever works, right?

I started by doing one day of some bullshit treadmill, then adding another day. I hired a trainer in April and have been doing strength training twice a week ever since. It’s going really well, I’ve dropped 23 pound since April, and I’ve gained about 5 lbs of muscle as well. 

The thing is, I don’t really look any different from when I first started in 2010. Yes, my face no longer looks like a puffer fish at its most puffed, but I’m still very fat and I still have a L O N G way to go. I didn’t even want to talk about my weight loss on my blog until there was a real, noticeable change in my appearance, or until I hit 100 lbs lost, but it’s clear that I don’t have shit else to blog about, so that’s that.

As of today I’ve lost just over 70 pounds since October 2010 which is nothing to scoff at, but 70 pounds for a fat person is a drop in the bucket (which is why I don’t really look different). I kind of hate myself because I know I could have been so much further if I had just gotten my fat ass to the gym a year ago. I still have my same unacceptable weight loss goals: men and clothes, but I now I’m also focused on being hella strong. I want to punch holes in walls and kick people’s asses.

So I said all of this to say, in the future, if you see a post about me going to the gym, don’t laugh. Don’t be like “Uh… is this gym actually a family style italian restaurant?” I’m trying, guys. I’m trying.

108 Notes/ Hide

  1. thedgadventures said: Loved this! I’m extremely lazy by nature and food is my ONLY vice but I decided to lose weight for the same 2 reasons about a year ago and I know how hard it is. Especially the working out part but trust me, you’ll get there. Keep up the hard work! PM me!
  2. nailtipflips said: Can we kick asses together? Cuz that would pretty much make my life complete. Also, love you girl!
  3. khalilahedits said: Congrats!!
  4. tragical said: All the YAYs!!!
  5. mintymouse said: I’ve noticed, gurl. Keep doing you!
  6. mandirigmajones said: would read this a million times over the “thispiration” bullshit on pinterest. high fives, kia.
  7. kearasaidwhat said: git it, Boo. <3
  8. meftihe reblogged this from kiamatthews and added:
    I fucking love this woman.

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