I legit FELL IN LOVE with someone on OK Cupid today. Like, hearts in my eyes, fluttering eyelashes IN LOVE. He responds VERY selectively (of course he does, he’s so nice and perfect and gorgeous that every chick in DC is messaging him) and is just way too hot and too amazing of a person to ever look at me so I was sending him to my friends saying PLEASE DATE THIS GUY SO HE CAN AT LEAST BE IN MY LIFE TANGENTIALLY.
Someone please write a rom com script based on this blog post. I’m not exactly sure how the guy goes from dating my friend to being my husband but… I’m not the screen writer here, you are. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.
Dudes with girlfriends and wives: GET THE FUCK OFF TINDER
Why are you here? You’re ruining something that’s already pretty fucking terrible. You think your wedding pic is going to get the ladies right-swipin’?? Either you are too stupid to cheat properly or you need to disclosure your ~*~open relationship~*~
Either way, BARF. Get out of here.
If I see another motherfucker on OkCupid or Tinder holding a fish I’m going to fucking lose it.
"Dudes holding trophy fish" is about as bad a profile photo epidemic as "white girls with ethnic children in 3rd world country"
Did you notice that he backhandedly called me ugly?
I know you guys have missed this
Been doing a tiny bit of dating. Some highlights:
- the libertarian who doesn’t think racism is really a problem anymore, owns 10+ guns (to protect himself from Government Tyranny), believes anyone can succeed if they just try, believes illegals are taking our jobs (if by “our jobs” you mean the manual labor jobs no one wants to do, sure) and that if he and I entered a high-end retailer together, I, a fat black female, would receive preferential treatment over him, a fit white male…. Sick body though so who cares.
- The guy who is super impressed with himself and once said to me “I am like the perfect sized man” referring to his body type, height and shoe size. -__- Sick body though so who cares.
- Countless fire deaths*
*When mentioning a guy that drops off the face of the planet with no warning, my friend Katie says "he died in a fire and his body is burned beyond recognition. That’s why I haven’t heard from him." The number of fire related deaths of men 27-37 is shocking and it’s a real epidemic in this country and something must be done to stem the tragedy.
If you mark that you would strongly prefer to date someone of your own racial background, please keep it moving. Hey, look, it’s certainly a valid preference and even though I personally think it’s weird and a little bit racist I do understand, sociologically, why one would have that preference. But I must say, it’s a little off-putting and leaves me wondering why you messaged me in the first place.
But wait, I DO know why you messaged me: "just because Italian food is my favorite, that doesn’t mean I don’t eat Chinese every now and then."
Great analogy, kid. I totally get it now.
Sorry, but I’m not interested in being your exotic departure.
Welp, here we go.
Remember that time a dude “got sick” 1 hour into our date and I never heard from him again? Or that one dude that didn’t want to come in after the Ren Fest because he “had a headache” and I never heard from him again? Or that dude who I took to my favorite bar and he was all up in my shit, super into me but then I never heard from him again?
I’ve very good at dating yes/yes?
I’m in a committed long term open polyamorous relationship with a wonderful and amazing pansexual woman. While taken, I’m available to play and I am always interested in meeting new people. It keeps life interesting.
Good to know it’s not just women who have to deal with creeps on OK Cupid.